harsh reminders to self..

Lately I've been so trapped in the worry. The frustration, the walls of what will other people think about me, say about me. If I don’t show up this way for this person and this way for the next, they might not accept me, or love me. 

And today I snapped. Im exhausted. I am tired. I feel overwhelmed trying to be all things to everyone else and nothing to myself. 

I was harshly reminded to come back to self. To care for self, to nurture self, and the rest will flow. That it’s not my responsibility to separate from self to make others more comfortable or happy, or to appear more acceptable, to find some kind of approval. 

The fear of misstepping, or saying the wrong thing is paralyzing, but if I am connected to self and living from truth there is freedom. There is a kind honestly that exist there.

So today I cried, in shame and in guilt and I wondered how I forget this so often, how many times do I need to be reminded and remember. Connect to self, care for self. Through space and time, and nature, and things that are good for my soul. 

That fitting in is not the same as belonging. And first I must belong to myself. 

To remember that I am enough and I don’t need to bend a certain way to somehow be more. That I can take up space as I am and love myself for it. And in turn that allows me to love others where they are at. 

The reminder to turn inward, to find stillness, to get quiet and listen. 

That's where the magic lives.